i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
