I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
