So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
