I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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