There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
