Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dignity is for republicans.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
