Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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