just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
