we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
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As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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