No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
