So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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