you would pick up someone in the library
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize