We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
