his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
