I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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