she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
