All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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