I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
