You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize