Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
