You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
