so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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