I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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