what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
