his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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