Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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