Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
