I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
