How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
