I cut my penus on the lid.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize