It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
