before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
