Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
