I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
