It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
