she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
