What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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