Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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