party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
