Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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