I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
