that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
then he tried to convert me to islam
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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