haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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