Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
