FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she peed on how many people?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
