she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
