Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Pants are for mortals
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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