how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
