i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
