I'm going to jail i love you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She's the barista slut.
We just shotgunned beers for America
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
