# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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