I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
