great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
