I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
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who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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