you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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