shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
