wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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