I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
