and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
50% drunk capacity currently
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
