i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
