I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
