awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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