When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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