Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
