do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
