Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
