ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
