I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
