He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
