so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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