How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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