Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
