oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
