We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
this boner is exhausting
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
