I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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