I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.