Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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