i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
