Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.