I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.