If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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