I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
